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The Absolute Most Annoying People You’ll Meet On Public Transport, Ranked
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The Absolute Most Annoying People You’ll Meet On Public Transport, Ranked

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March 3, 2020
Public Transport: Annoying Passengers On Buses & Trains, Ranked

Alana is the staff writer on AWOL who thinks the…

Public transport can be a blessing (cheap travel) and a curse (being smushed against other humans), but how enjoyable it is on any given day ultimately comes down to the other passengers.

When you’re just trying to get to home during peak hour, you can only pray to sit next to someone who’s happy to sit quietly, use headphones and stare out the window.

Unfortunately, that’s often not the case. Too frequently, we meet some truly annoying passengers on buses and trains. So what better way to direct our rage than by mercilessly ranking them all?

Think of this the next time you find yourself next to someone holding a loud conversation over (shudder) speaker phone.

Here’s every annoying person you meet on public transport, ranked from least to most annoying:

#10 The person who doesn’t stand up to let you out of your seat

The rules are very simple: when the person in the window seat wants to get off, you stand up and let them pass.

People who stay in their seat and just turn to the side or pull their legs in should have their Opal cards revoked.

#9 The person who boards before everyone else can get off

Honestly, people, just wait until everyone disembarks before you get on. The train isn’t going to leave without you, promise.

Also, don’t crowd around the doors and force other passengers to shove past you. Step back from the doors, take a deep breath, and reevaluate your life choices.

#8 The person who waits until they’re at the scanner to pull out their card

There’s no reason you shouldn’t get your travel card ready before you need to use it.

Anyone who waltzes up to the bus doors or station gates and then starts fishing for their card will only succeed in slowing down the line and making everyone, themselves included, late.

They’re the kind of person who expects you to arrive at 7:30pm sharp but is always late to your parties because they spend too long doing their makeup.

#7 The person who’s actually a kid

I am absolutely not having a go at parents who are just trying to get their kids from point A to point B. From my extremely limited experience looking after kids, I can’t even imagine how hard that would be. But I am absolutely having a go at kids who cry, scream, or run on the bus when I’m trying to read my stories.

Just kidding. Kids are idiots and don’t realise why this is annoying.

Still, though. Cool your jets, kids (and parents).

#6 The person who sits in the aisle seat

…on a crowded bus when the window seat is also free.

Is it a power move? A social experiment? Are they marking their territory by declaring no one can sit with them, ala Gretchen Wieners? (As if she’d ever be caught dead on the bus.)

Or are they just a jerk who doesn’t care if people have to climb over them to sit down? Oh yeah, we know their type. They’ve definitely eaten all the chocolates their housemate brought home to share because “you said I could have some.”

#5 The person who’s just a man

Whether they’re manspreading across two seats or flirting when you’re just hoping to get to work early enough to stop for a coffee, I think we can all agree that men should be banned from public transport.

Why not go one better? It’s 2020, can’t we all agree that men should be banned from public?

#4 The person on the phone

Having a phone call on public transport is extremely demented, not just because you’re disrupting a public space but also because you’re choosing to speak to someone over the phone. Simply text them.

If you’re going to have a loud phone conversation, at least do the rest of us a favour and make it a juicy story.

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#3 The person who’s sick

Dear sick people, I know it’s not your fault that you’re sick and still have someplace to be.

But that doesn’t mean it’s not still annoying to be sitting next to someone who’s coughing their lungs up.

#2 The person who forgets their headphones

Unless you’re playing ‘Untouched’ on repeat, we don’t want to hear your shitty music.

In fact, why is it never The Veronicas stans who listen to music without headphones on public transport? It’s almost always people blasting late-2000s EDM or songs by Chris Brown.

And nobody gets a pass if they’re watching Love Is Blind or scrolling TikTok. I’m sorry, but there’s literally nothing so important that you need to listen to it out loud on the bus.

#1 The person who manspreads

The worst of the worst, the manspreader is absolutely the last person you want to sit next to on public transport (or anywhere). With their legs spread wide in what I can only assume they think is a handsome power pose, they take up twice the space of a normal person and make your public transport experience absolutely cursed.

The only good thing about manspreading is that I, a dainty woman, get a thrill from shoving men’s legs out of my seat when I sit down.

(Lead image: Broad City / Comedy Central)

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Alana is the staff writer on AWOL who thinks the best way to travel is by taking spontaneous detours and stopping at every local bakery to try the cakes. She writes a lot about Australian TV, Big Things, cursed food, and theme parks. You can follow her on Instagram @alana.dotcom. It’s mostly dogs she meets along the way.

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