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In Magpie News, This Angry Asshole Just Swooped A Junior Rugby Player Off The Field

Nothing sends cold chills down the spine of an Aussie like the mention of Magpie swooping season. Magpies are arseholes, and you can’t convince me otherwise.

I first knew to regard these black and white birds with pure horror at the young age of five, when Mum allowed my big sister and I to walk home from the school bus stop for the first time. Feeling all grown up and badass, we took the shortcut and paid the full price. A little bitch magpie kept swooping me (and drew blood from behind my ear), until I dropped to the ground, adopting the foetal position and accepting my fate. I only escaped thanks to my sister running back, backpack swinging.

We all have a traumatic magpie story like this, unless you either didn’t grow up here, never ventured outside, or are living a charmed life.

It’s a fact known all too well by the poor young fellow who was rudely accosted by an angry magpie while he was simply trying to play rugby in his junior league.

As you can see, Jack Skinner, playing for the Parkes Spacemen, was essentially chased off the dang field in the middle of his game against the Forbes Magpies in regional New South Wales. It’s not yet clear if the other team paid the magpie off, but was the name of the opposing team a coincidence? I think not.

The shithead of a magpie was so aggressive that Jack raced off the field while someone who appears to be an umpire raced over to try and help bat the damn thing off.

Let’s be real, it’s a little funny to watch. Yet at the same time I find myself ducking my head at every swoop in sympathy.

Apparently Swooping Season kicked off early this year, most likely thanks to a sudden change in temperature (awesome), and will be even more aggressive (fabulous). Plus, they won’t be able to recognise the people who are regulars near its home that would normally get a pass, because we’re all sensibly wearing face masks.

Birdlife Australia’s national public affairs manager, Sean Dooley, told 3AW that while magpies normally recognise about 100 human faces, face masks mean no-one is safe.

“A magpie may know you and know that you’re okay, but when you’re wearing a mask they may not be able to recognise you,” he explained.

Can someone tell 2020 that’s enough already?

(Lead Image: Facebook / ABC Illawarra)