Culture

It’s Time To Admit That Long Flights Are Fun, You Cowards

It’s our fundamental right to say things like “Ooft” any time we’re faced with a flight longer than 5 hours. But here’s an idea: stop denying that you don’t think long flights are fun, you sexy monsters.

Admittedly, in this case “fun” is relative. I wouldn’t choose a 20-hour flight over a weekend of day drinking with my mates. But it’s easy to learn to love long flights.

Passengers can have a little cookie, as a treat

On the ground, there’s almost never get a day that you don’t need to work, buy groceries, or go outside — where you can just watch TV for hours, and Netflix starts to asks if you’re still there and you begin to worry it might be onto something.

In the air, you don’t answer to anyone. There’s nothing for you to do except binge TV, eat food that you don’t have to cook for yourself, and nap.

Who cares that the TV selection is limited, the food is questionable and you don’t have a bed? That’s the kind of language a quitter uses.

Long flights are your chance to watch all the movies you missed at the cinema six months ago. Want to catch up exclusively on season 2 of a show that’s 6 seasons long? Good, because that’s all your plane will be showing.

Do you generally try to eat healthy but really, deep down, just want a burger? Good, because you’re going to be stuffing your face with shitty meals and salty snacks for 20 hours, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Tired: complaining about plane food.

Wired: shoving free cookies into your mouth and getting tipsy from one wine served in a plastic cup.

Party like it’s 2am but you have no idea what time zone you’re in

Planes are, famously, all about the journey. And, in your own journey on a plane, there’s freedom.

It doesn’t matter what time it was when you took off. Here, the only thing that matters is that it’s hour 6 of your journey, and that means it’s time for your mid-flight meal. And it’ll be cooked for you, delivered to you and cleaned up for you.

It doesn’t matter what time it is on the ground below. On a plane, you order a cup of wine at 2am and a coffee at 3am. You see the flight attendants rolling their cart towards you and you ponder whether you’re going to get the chips or the cheese and crackers this time.

Airports are lawless places, but long flights have their very own law. And the law is: everything, except taking your shoes off, goes.

Stop lying, you kind of enjoy long flights

Then there’s the basic vibe of being on a long flight. Unlike on buses, (most) passengers on planes are quiet. Everyone’s too busy watching B-grade movies to make small talk. And unlike trains, you get a blanket. It’s like being wrapped up in a comforting hug for 20 hours.

Inevitably, when you hit hour 15 or when you need to pee but your seat neighbour is sleeping, long flights become a lot less fun. But it’s easy to pull yourself back from the brink. Just hit play on Miss Congeniality, or whatever other Sandra Bullock movie the in-flight entertainment has to offer.

Perhaps Aussies have more patience for long flights. Almost every flight is a long flight for us because we’re in the middle of nowhere. Or perhaps we’ve tapped into the surprising luxury that is a fuck-off long flight.

(Lead image: Bridesmaids)